There is something about a New Year that quietly hums hope back into our lives.

It holds the promise of a fresh start, clean slates, a redo.

A brand new year feels like a brand new shirt that doesn’t have any stains on it yet. But the truth is, as much as we would love to start over with a fresh shirt, a lot of us are still dragging mistakes over from the previous year or it’s only three days into this brand new year and we’ve already made a mess of our goals and aspirations. (guilty)

This is why a lot of people don’t bother making New Years Resolutions because for a lot of us it can feel like just another thing to get discouraged about.

We get so caught up focusing on keeping our year and our actions PERFECT. SPOTLESS. CLEAN. that we can become devastated when we fail. But a new year is about becoming BETTER not becoming perfect. It’s about growing and dreaming and reaching and pushing ourselves towards who we truly want to be .

And that, girl, is a messy process.

It’s not going to look anywhere near perfect.

And I don’t think the mess makes it any less beautiful. In fact, the mess of your new year is a bright banner declaring that you are daring to DO SOMETHING. You can’t make mistakes if you aren’t trying something new and difficult. Your mistakes and missteps and the bruises you will get from them are just evidence of where you are striving to grow in this New Year.

Because this year won’t be “clean”. It’s impossible to keep it spotless.

You will have days where you miss workouts, eat crappy, accidentally start biting your nails again, lose your temper, forget to read your Bible, stay up too late, wake up too late, show up late, and say yes to things you should have said “no” to. What’s important is that you keep pressing on.

Don’t focus so intently on not “spilling stuff” on your brand new white shirt and forget that your true focus should be on WHAT you are spilling.

What sits before you that you are ready to dig into? Is it sweet and sticky? Warm and filling? What kind of projects, goals or habits are you looking to nourish yourself and others with this year?

We are all still trying to learn balance, priorities and how all of this is supposed to work. So Don’t worry about perfect, neat, and under control. Decide on something and DIG IN!

This year I am digging into three core areas of my life:

1. This Blog and my writing overall (I will be writing daily and posting weekly and will be exploring other avenues to connect with you all.)
2. My health and fitness (I have started eating better and working out for the first time in a long time.)
3. My Finances (I will be sacrificing some things this year to pay down my student debt.)

Things are about to get MESSY for sure. But I’ve decided that at the end of the year I don’t want to come out on the end with a spotless white shirt. I want to come out barefooted with wind blown hair and sparkling eyes and stories to tell. I want to be able to look back over the year and say that in the midst of the rough times and the great times,  I still had a WONDROUS time.

So take a moment to reflect and jump in with both feet but don’t forget that even if you fall flat on your face, you don’t have to wait until next year to get up and start over again.

Today is a new day. Tomorrow will be another new day. And that, that is all you need.

May you be brave and kind to yourself everyday this year and take time to remember that you are loved.

I also hope you surprise yourself somewhere along the way.

So now, lets kick off this year well, with grace, laughter, and a little bit of mess.

I am not always a huge fan of Sundays because they come right before Mondays, right before the busy of another week. Despite that I’ve realized Sundays are kind of a beautiful thing when they become a day for slowing down. They are that inhale before the pressing through of another hectic week.

And I know.

I know I need to slow down more often. I need to find time daily to rest, be quiet, and express gratitude for all this grace.

The grace of crisp Autumn air, blushing trees, raindrops on windshields, hot tea, warm sweaters, laughing friends, sweet kisses, steaming oatmeal, and hugs. I’ve been so grateful for hugs lately.

It’s taken me this Sunday without a to-do list to realize how busy I’ve been.

Things have just been crazy. Eight Nuts BANANAS. I feel like I’ve been a humming bird dashing here and there at a million miles an hour. But I’ve also learned that just because you feel yourself moving faster doesn’t really mean you’re moving all that much.

And I’ll be honest.

It’s hard for me to just take a breath and slow down.

And I realized today that’s because I have made myself busy on purpose.

Behind this organized facade of a woman who seems to be running her life smoothly is a girl who is flat out running away.

Running from the quiet, from the solitude.

Running from ME.

I’ve been afraid to be alone with myself.

And I know I’m not alone in not wanting to be alone.

So I’ve been walking around all day wondering why do we do that?

Why do we fear those moments of peace where we have to face ourselves?

Is it because we know we’re the one person we can’t fool?

We like to pretend we’re alright but deep down we know we’re not. And in the roaring silence when we’re left with only ourselves, that’s when we have to face it all. We have to face the bruises and scars and how broken we are. And maybe we don’t want to look at it because we’re afraid we might be stuck this way. We look at the mess and the lies we’ve believed and sometimes we doubt whether every wound can really be healed. We look at how far we’ve fallen and sometimes we wonder if His love really can redeem ANYTHING.

So maybe we believe that racing around will help us race past the problems.

But it doesn’t.

So if you’re feeling like I’ve been feeling, exhausted and empty and about to have a quarter life crisis…

Just STOP.

Just stop and come back to the God that’s been pursuing you and let Him grab your face and take a breath of His outrageous grace because, girl: He loves you. Scars and all.

So just stop trying to earn that and slow down a bit.

Because when you’re speeding around you don’t just miss the scenery, the beautiful moments in front of you, you also loose track of what the crap you’re doing, where you’re going, and WHY.

Worst of all you’ll be passing by and missing all the little snatches of grace God has placed in your life.

And when we miss them, we miss Him.

So take this Sunday to stop. Breathe and embrace life to the fullest. Embrace Him.

Embrace GRACE.