“Eleanor was right. She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn’t supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.”― Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor & Park

You are wild.

You are not a manicured lawn with artificial irrigation and perfectly lined plants. You are not sharp edges, boxes, and straight lines. You are not a space that’s been plucked, trimmed, and shoved into “neatness”.

You are wild.

Wild in the sense that you are a natural place of beauty that has grown and flourished on its own. With all sorts of things growing this way and that, pressing up towards the sun and reaching down towards the water. You have strong roots. You can sometimes look like a mess.

It is easy to feel like you should be more or at least be more like THAT. You strive to please and to keep everything so perfectly put together but you, my darling, are not meant to be perfect you are meant to be you. You are ART.

And with art, it is not so much about what a piece IS or how a piece LOOKS, art is all about what is communicated and what it makes someone FEEL.

Maybe it’s not so important how your hair falls or how your jeans fit. Maybe what is most important is how well you love others.  To leave people feeling the same way you feel after a moving play or a beautiful novel. To make sure people don’t feel alone. Maybe, girl, you will help awaken that part inside of them that they might have forgotten about, that good part, the part that reminds them there is still magic in this world.

You embrace being art when you unabashedly embrace being yourself. Stop pretending you like things that you don’t. If you like wearing tutus and crocs then DO IT without apology. If you are loud and clumsy and feel that you fail at being the kind of woman somebody would want, please know that you don’t.

You are beautiful in all your quirky glory.

The way you snort-laugh over YouTube videos. The songs you sing loud in the shower. The way you can’t have your eggs touch your pancakes. The way you pray awkwardly in public and try cheering up your mom. Your inappropriate jokes and corny puns. Your favorite shirt and neon leggings. How you show up at 2:00a.m. when your friend calls needing a ride. Your fear of cows and crazy driving. Your love of muffins and rain. The big and the small, it’s all art and it all compiles to make you who you are.

So don’t worry about being perfect and don’t worry about being like them, you weren’t meant to be. You are art, dear girl, and you are wildly glorious just as you are.

 

 

 

 

 

“The opposite of holding your breath isn’t inhaling, it’s letting go”

–Leeana Tankersley, Breathing Room

Leanna’s book Breathing Room has been my lifeline over the last few years. This quote from her book has been my mantra this year especially. These words have been what I whisper to myself over and over again.

Because after holding it all in and letting things build up, we so often want to just suck in even more and replace the empty space as quickly as possible.

But there is that one little step in-between holding your breath and getting fresh air: letting go.

I thought in January that this year, especially this summer, would be a season of growth and hope and pushing myself through new challenges but mostly this has been a year of Autumn for me. It’s been a season all about surrender, unraveling, and letting go. Letting go of control, of needing answers, of what others think, of perfectionism, of time, of old wounds, and a lot of lies that I’ve believed wholeheartedly for so long.

As a Type-A person I want something to show for all of it, a checked off list or some trophy of accomplishment but instead, I’ve just been left leafless and standing here.  Even though I know that all that’s been left behind will help me flourish later, it can feel kind of painful and lonely in the present.

But we can’t expect ourselves to bloom in every season. No plant produces all year round. There is a cycle to the seasons and each one is equally important. I finally feel like the physical season has caught up to my soul season. October has always been my favorite month but especially now as I am letting go of the past and lies that I’ve been holding close for far too long. I am focusing on breathing out before inhaling and letting go to make room for new things.

In the middle of the emptiness and the change I have found that sometimes, the letting go also turns out to be kind of beautiful.