Valentines Day can be lonely. And sometimes walking through the store filled with flowers and chocolates and ridiculously sized teddy bears can make you  feel a bit left out.

(Although I’ve never been one to get that excited about gifts. I would much rather receive a sincerely written love letter.)

And your heart cracks a little, not because you ACTUALLY want a six foot teddy bear but because you want to know what a love that big feels like. You want to know what it’d be like to have a hand to hold and someone to laugh with. Wouldn’t it be nice to know that someone actually cares, like really? To have someone who thinks all the weird parts of you are beautiful and who believes in you and cheers you on?  Someone you can laugh with and dance barefoot in the kitchen with. Someone to snuggle up with to watch Netflix. Someone you can share life with and who wants to walk with you in grace along this crazy journey of everyday life.

Well the truth is that real relationships look nothing like that.

BUT ALSO

Who decided all of that has to come from some guy?

Because I don’t know about you girl, but all of that sounds more like what happens when I get together with the crazy awesome women in my life and let them into my mess. I think we under value platonic relationships.  I think we’ve lost the spirit of Valentine’s Day. It’s supposed to be about love but we’ve made it all about ourselves and being forever alone and wanting a man and needing to feel better  and BLAH BLAH BLAH.

The other day at Starbucks this three year old comes in throwing a fit and whining at his mom because she wouldn’t give him chocolate milk. “But I want it!”

And my first thought (even though it wasn’t nice) was, “Wow, what a brat.” and without missing a beat God whispered to my heart, “Oh really, because he kind of sounds like you.”

And that was an OH SNAP moment for me and I realized how whiny I can sound when it comes to relationships.  How selfish I can be. How I miss all the amazing goodness right in front of me because I am so focused on what I think I want.

This is such a beautiful time for us to get over ourselves and to love on each other as women.

Buy a dozen roses and give them to your closest single friends. Grab some girls and sit down to watch New Girl or Pride and Prejudice with a gallon of cookie dough ice cream. Share about all your past awkward dating experiences and belly laugh hard about it. Dance crazy in you polka dot PJs. Sing love songs at the top of your lungs to each other and don’t be afraid to cry and snuggle and hugs are always a good thing too.

I am not going to lie to you. Spending an evening with a man would be totally different.  Men are a completely different box of crayons all together. Spending time with the girls wont’ be the same, no, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be SO GOOD for your soul.

Because girl, one day you’re going to find a guy. He’ll take you out and he’ll side swipe you off your feet and you’ll fall in love with that goober no matter how hard you try and you’ll have the rest of your life to spend Valentine’s Day with him.

But right now?

You only have a few crazy awesome Valentines to spend single. To spend with the amazing women in your life and you might not believe me but girl, you’re going to miss this. So count this Valentine’s Day as a blessing.

Eat chocolate. Eat Ice Cream. Laugh so hard you make that awkward snort sound you hate. Light Candles. Don’t shave. Dance. Scream. And don’t be afraid to say that four letter word. It’s not just going to be okay girl, it’s going to be good, really good.

You are so loved this Valentines Day even if no one has told you yet.

Rock on.

~Britt

 

 

 

 

Dear Self,

You’ve been struggling hard lately.

Struggling with this loneliness that burns deeper than just being single. It’s not just a simple desire for a boyfriend, (which would make sense because LITERALLY everyone is getting hitched). It’s not needing someone to chat with or wanting your beauty reaffirmed, it’s just this aching.

You scroll through engagement photos, wedding pictures and couple pics captioned, “Seven months with this handsome man” or “I couldn’t ask for a better woman.” and your heart  just kind of snaps.

And you tried to write a blog post about how it’s okay to be single.

And you know it’s going to be okay, but some days it’s just hard to feel okay. That’s all you really want, to just feel alright.

And it’s okay to long for man, for a husband. Longing is not bad. But I know you wonder if you’re maybe starting to lose it because you find yourself noticing men everywhere. You are struck by the flannel and forearms and muscly hands and you wonder what it would be like to have someone hold your hand. What would it be like to have someone smile at you and look at you all struck, the way you look at Christmas trees and sunrises and raindrops on windshields.

Then you catch yourself thinking,

“WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME???”

And you’ve been beating yourself up and feeling like crap and throwing pity parties every night for not being enough. Feeling sorry for yourself that you’re that crazy single girl who hasn’t been chosen yet. Has never been chosen. Never been kissed, asked out, or even pursued at all. No one’s ever even had a crush on you.

Which honestly, is probably good for you because you know that you’re crazy and too passionate for your own good and you’re almost guaranteed to fall in love with the first guy that smiles at you.

But seriously

Girl, what makes you think a boyfriend is going to fix you? And who says you need a man before you can get your crap together and enjoy life? There are plenty of women who didn’t get married until their thirties and is this really how you want to potentially spend the next eight years?  (OR MORE…..)

You don’t even know what you’re future relationship might require of you. So don’t waste your time whining and living weakly.

Now is the time to live strong.

Stop grumbling and give thanks because you, girl, have been given grace.

And I know the hardest thing for you is that you don’t feel beautiful.

As if that’s the reason you don’t have a boyfriend,  because you’re carrying some extra weight.

If that’s the only reason those guys haven’t asked you out yet then first off, you don’t want a guy like that hanging out with you anyway.

Because yeah, we all want someone who is physically attractive and guys do too. But girl, you’re body is going to stretch and go through about a thousand changes before the end of your life and you want a guy who is going to make you feel beautiful through all of them.

And different sized women fit into different men’s hearts and every guy out there has a different taste.

And girl, you’re being ridiculous because you are beautiful.

Yeah you.

With your baseball caps and chapstick. You’re truck and your love for the mountains and rolling the windows down even when it’s 60 degrees because you LOVE fresh air. You, with your country music and dancing while doing dishes, your silly voices and the voice you have when you’re praying. The way you love and listen to people, and trust God with every season. You’re guitar playing and constant singing and you waking up at 2:00 a.m. to write down words that burn inside your heart. You girl, are beautiful.

And you are enough. You are enough for a man. You’re body is more than enough. You are always so worried about your body. Like that’s the thing that will never truly be up to par for him. Because they keep telling us that’s so important to guys. But the thing is girl, that the right guy will be in love with all of you, even your body.

He’ll adore the swing in your hips, the flash of your smile, your crazy curly hair, the rise of your chest and the fat in your middle, your thighs and quirky feet and your freckles and tiny fingers, why?

Because it’s you.

And he’ll be head over heels crazy about you.

All of you.

And he’ll love your for your body second. Because the first thing he’ll see when he looks at you is a woman who always greets him with a kiss. Who misses him the moment he leaves for work. A woman who is faithful and funny and forgives him when he can’t forgive himself. Who believes in him and cheers for him and who prays and loves him everyday with lights on and eyes full open to the glorious mess that he is. But who keeps choosing to love him with everything she can because she is head over heels crazy about him too.

And it’s okay to long for that.

To wait.

But it’s time to tuck that away and let it burn brightly in the background and not flame out in the front lines. Because that is someday, not today.

Stop wallowing.

Start worshiping.

Because what you have is today, yourself, friends and family and a God that loves you and this singleness it hurts right now yeah, but be present in the pain. Because believe it or not this is a season you will miss. And you keep looking after others and their love stories unfolding in a flash of fireworks and confetti and you wonder about your own. You look at yourself in the rear view mirror wondering what went wrong.

I think you know that THAT is not your story. You’ve always known you’re love story would not be one of love at first sight, starlight, and dancing laughter. Some stories take a little more time to unfold. Some stories have a few more plot twists. Sometimes love isn’t something that smacks you in the face. I think you know you’re the kind of girl that love has to find by sneaking up softly.

You’re time will come.

So take a chill pill and remember that you’re sexy and awesome and that God’s got plans for you, girl. Even if you can’t see ANY of them yet.

Love ya,

~Britt