I didn’t get a bouquet today.
Today I watched from the sidelines.
Watched all the sweet Facebook posts, the Instagram pictures of flowers and chocolates, I watched friends fawn over teddy bears and listened to co-workers plans for nice evenings out. I’ve never been a huge fan of Valentines day. It has always felt like a holiday with a lot of unspoken pressure and expectations that aren’t rooted in authentic affection, at least not for me.
Then I was forced to watch that pitying look in the women’s eyes when they asked what my boyfriend got me for Valentines day and I smiled and said, “Nothing.” Then they asked if we were doing anything special for Valentines day and I responded with, “No, nothing special.” They looked at me and frowned and walked away shaking their heads and I imagine inside they were probably thinking, “Wow, her boyfriend must not care about her at all and she probably just has to pretend it’s okay.”
But the truth is that I’m not a huge gift person and my boyfriend knows that. And the honest truth is I’d much rather just spend a day with him than have him give me a giant teddy bear. I love romantic gestures and surprises as much as the next girl but I want them to be based out of him choosing to, not because there is a holiday that is pressuring him to express affection in predetermined ways. I want any flowers or letters to be real and heartfelt, not rushed out of obligation.
More than all of that I learned a long time ago that love is not dictated by the grand gestures we put on in front of everyone, where love truly lives is in the quiet moments when no one is watching.
Love is the good morning text he sends every. single. day. The way he makes me laugh hard even on my bad days. It’s the way he listens and remembers all the little things about me. How he talks to me even when he’s having a bad day at work. How he orders a regular burrito because I ordered green chille and he knows it will be too hot for me. Love is cleaning up puke out of the bathtub. It’s driving thirty minutes to see each other and talking everyday. It’s being humble enough to apologize first and gracious enough to forgive right away. It’s him putting up with my crazy self and me being patient with his stubbornness. It’s letting me cry and never telling me to stop being “emotional” it’s him buying me flowers just because and letting me play video games even though I suck. It’s eating my bacon with a smile even though it’s basically burned and 65% ash. It’s the forehead kisses and the singing in the car, the silly dances and spitting water at eachother. It’s letting me still hangout even though I’ve broken like 15 things of his. It’s him always paying, always driving, and always encouraging me to be better.
No, I didn’t get a bouquet today but I don’t need flowers to know I am loved. I don’t need chocolate to remind me how sweet this life is. I am incredibly lucky and grateful for all the little everyday ways I am made to feel beautiful and loved.
So for the singles or the girlfriends who didn’t get much today, don’t let this holiday define your worth. There is more to this life than your ideas about romance and we have to love ourselves like we aren’t waiting for someone else to do it first. And if you’re sitting alone feeling unlovable today, you may be missing the love that’s right under your nose because you’re looking for the shimmering Elderado of romance that seems to be out there. But that Elderado everyone describes is built slowly from the flecks of gold we pull one piece at time from the river of this life.
Don’t take the little things for granted.
And don’t be surprised in those moments when love sneaks up on you softly.
Take all those little messy pieces of life and make a bouquet of the memories, inside jokes, and clumsy words.
Step back.
And know that this, yes THIS is all you need.
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