Self Care and rest are hot topics as of late and yet I still feel so much frantic energy inside me.
I was reading through old journal entries recently and I came across one where I said:
“I want to do big things so I don’t have to do anything”
I went on to write out an honest venting entry where I was confessing that to me the goal of “making it” or having more money, would actually translate to more freedom. I wrote that I didn’t want have to work so much. I wanted to make it big as a writer, so I could wake up slow, enjoy a drink in the morning, go on long walks, sit outside for hours and write out all the stories that flow through my head. Basically, so I could rest and not feel so rushed all the time.
It was written back when I was working in marketing, on salary, and didn’t really have any time for myself. I was gone 13 hours or more some days and felt like my weeks were a blur of work and commuting and the weekends were cleaning and friends and there was no time for me to even breathe.
I made a career switch in 2019 and now work at a chiropractor’s office and write content for a handful of small businesses on the side. I also recently became a brand partner with Young Living and help people find natural non-toxic solutions for problems in their everyday life. I LOVE where I am now. Less stressed, slower pace, and doing work that I love.
In spite of that, I still find that I can often be caught up in this frantic rush. Always cleaning, writing content, getting the next blog post out for someone. I have been thinking about it a lot and after many long conversations with David I realized some things.
1. Productive doesn’t have to be frantic. I heard a story on a podcast one time about a cyclist who was training and always trying to go as fast as he could to beat his time. He decided one day to just take his time and enjoy the scenery on his ride instead of worrying about his time. He was talking about how much more he enjoyed the ride when he was able to look around and actually take in the beautiful ride he did everyday. When he checked his time it ended up only taking him 3 minutes longer. 3 mins is all it cost to to slow down and take in everything and have a much more enjoyable ride.
2. A lot of my stress is self-induced. I have a tendency to feel like everything has to be “done” before I can stop. Like I have to push myself to a certain point before I am allowed to take a break. But rest is not something earned, it’s something we need regardless. Kind of like sleep. We must go to bed and let a new day begin regardless of how today went. Sleep. Rest. That’s just how it is. In an attempt to be “disciplined” I have often felt discipline meant not stopping and in trying to push myself, I have more then once pushed myself over the edge.
I want this life to be one I remember. One that’s an enjoyable ride not just a blur of to-dos and trying to beat the clock and errands and stressed out crying sessions. I can still be productive and be PRESENT in what I am currently doing not always trying to leap into the next thing. I can get things done well and intentionally and live this life I have, knowing my worth doesn’t come from what I got done today.
I also realized I need better boundaries with myself. I need to be a good friend/parent to my inner self and make myself stop sometimes. Just like moms schedule nap times for their kids because they know they need them, I need to do that for me. I think for this season that’s going to look like scheduled rest each day for myself and strict boundaries with myself on not being productive on the weekends.
When I read that journal entry about wanting long walks and slow mornings and time to write I realized: I don’t have to wait for that. If my heart is longing for rest and time to write I don’t have to push and work until I’m dead or “make it” before I can do that. I realized reading that post that all I was really longing for was true rest. Rest can happen now and if that is all my little heart wants from “making it big” why not just give that to myself now? I can schedule in slow mornings now I can go for walks now and I can write as much as I want right now.
What is your heart craving? What is that one thing you are waiting on. Is it something you can give to yourself now? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
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